community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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