After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
