i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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