Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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