So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
