...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
