I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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