why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
