i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
