She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
