oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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