I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
