she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
