just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We left the knife in your bed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
