So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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