how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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