In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
