Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
