Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
