I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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