Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
