Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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