I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
