I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
