I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
