a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
