I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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