So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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