he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
