He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
