It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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