his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize