During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
