I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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