you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
