Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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