dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
that may or may not have been my penis.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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