I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
