Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
