Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
