I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
50% drunk capacity currently
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
