I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
bring money and cleavage
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
