OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My ATM looks so different sober.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
