I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
