its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
