the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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