okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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