she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
