Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
