Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
