i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
