So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
