And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
