so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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